Jay Johnson

Jay Johnson started performing at eleven years old when he discovered his natural ability to make a cousin’s doll come to life. This began a career using his imagination to entertain. His acute dyslexia disappeared in this world of imagery where he was able to find his self-esteem and notoriety.


Bob was born in Hollywood, a product of the television studio system. He was trained and educated on the set of the ABC sitcom SOAP during the turbulent 70’s and early 80’s. He still has that “disco,burn-the-candle-at-both-ends” lifestyle. He is an example of a totally unfiltered psyche and does not work and play well with others. Bob is featured in The Two and Only because of long standing contractual obligations with Mr. Johnson. The management of the show takes no responsibility for anything he might say that is offensive to any one in the audience.


Darwin, is a rare breed of jazz monkey, who was born in a trunk in a comedy club. He reinvented himself as a simian satirist (monkey stand-up comedian) after the Tarzan sidekick roles in film began to peter out. He still frequents showbiz hangouts where he can actually be seen “hanging out”. (That’s a monkey joke!)


Squeaky is the recognized elder statesman of The Two and Only. Born in Springfield, Illinois and raised in Texas, Squeaky, is ingrained with midwestern charm. His story reads like a modern day tale of Pinocchio. His father was a clock maker and puppeteer and he left home quite early to go into show business. For many years he was partnered with Jay Johnson when they toured around the country together. He retired in 1977 when Jay was cast in a television role without his lifelong partner. This show marks his return to the stage. Squeaky loves that Broadway still has roles for older performers.


Amigo, a South American boa constrictor snake, was born in captivity in Dallas, Texas. This genus reptillius articulus is an endangered species and is in fact the only talking snake still in existence. He has a larger brain than his cousin the asp and is referred to, by scientists, as a “smart asp.”


Spaulding, had a brief career in sports, which he rarely talks about. His injuries sidelined him after a particularly grueling tennis season playing with Andy Rodick. Keeping his eyes open for another way to make a living, Spaulding rolled into an association with Jay Johnson. Asked if he will continue his career in show business he replied, “This is an easy racquet and it beats getting hit with a stick.”


Nethernore, “the bird of DEATH!” is the last remaining familiar spirit from the witchcraft days of the Dark Ages. As the modern world has become more sophisticated, Nethernore has become less influential and feared. He still loves to sit and watch places of potential carnage, but he has become a political activist, involving himself with environmental issues…. of DEATH!

Long John LaFeat

Long John La Feat was publicly guillotined for crimes against nature, piracy, theft, fraud and possession of a French name. He is infamous for two things. One: his last words to the crowd were “Le montieth te quiestnat viva le mouuse te chere.” and, Two: Nobody knows what that means.

Jackie and Gaga

Jackie & Gaga (picture available in your mind) – Mr. Johnson’s playmates were born in Abernathy Texas. Not much is known of their past. They have been around since the early 50’s when radio was still a major, mainstream medium. Like many stars of the silent screen era, they could not make it in an industry where characters relied more heavily on looks. They make their stage debut in The Two and Only, and audiences love them, even though they phone in their performance every show.

Arthur Drew

Arthur Drew (Picture unavailable) – The man of mystery. A master of disguise, Art can change his appearance at the stroke of a pen. Before joining the cast of The Two and Only he was one of the top police composite sketches at the NYPD. He appears nightly on stage but disappears as quickly and as mysteriously as his past. He has a nice singing voice which he never got to use in his police work, so he finds this time in his life more satisfying than being a composite sketch.